Plantation Mistress

I watched open-mouthed at Madonna's recent video transformation into a Studio 54 slash Farrah Fawcett diva. How could I fail to, when she's prancing around flexing her muscular coochie for all it's worth in a high-cut leotard revealing her buns of steel. Frying pan bottom aside, no doubt, the bitch looks amazing. For 47. And for a minute, my superficial side took over and applauded that. But then the cerebral fought back.

I was discussing the video with a group of black women last night, and it was clear that Madonna would never occupy the same pedestal of privilege within the black community as she does within the mainstream. But why? Well for a start, the bitch can't sing. And I don't care what anyone says, she can't dance either. That is some choreographed nonsense she rehearses over and over again and thinks looks funky. But you know, funky don't mean what it used too. Ask her black child (she ain't white) Lourdes.

The video is the same old cultural appropriating nonsense that Madonna has been doing since she started her career, and brings to mind one of cultural thinker 'bell hooks' essays, 'Plantation Mistress or Soul Sister'. Hooks wrote of Madonna in the seminal work 'Black Looks: Race and Representation' (1996): 'White women "stars" like Madonna, Sandra Bernhard, and many others publicly name their interest in, and appropriation of, black culture as yet another sign of their radical chic. Intimacy with that "nasty" blackness good white girls stay away from is what they seek. To white and other nonblack consumers, this gives them a special flavor, an added spice. After all it is a very recent historical phenomenon for any white girl to be able to get some mileage out of flaunting her fascination and envy of blackness. The thing about envy is that it is always ready to destroy, erase, take over, and consume the desired object. That's exactly what Madonna attempts to do when she appropriates and commodifies aspects of black culture.'

Obviously this essay is slightly out of date cos we know that lots of good white girls is loving it up with some of that nasty blackness ah night time, hence the reason many black girls is loving it up with the Rabbit. But I digress.

In the video for 'Hung Up', Madonna wholesale jacks the style of David La Chapelle, and the 'Krumpin' dance scene he documented in his film 'Rize'. Maddie's video takes a group of dancers from the streets of LA, and transports them to London where they achieve their dream of dancing alongside Missy Madonna. Blink and you miss 'em, they serve as the props she needs to make herself seem relevant to a new generation. No one can shine brighter in Madonna's ray of celebrity light, and the dancers serve only to beef up her rep as an 'innovative' artist. Don't worry homies, the streets will be waiting to welcome you back with open arms when she's done with your asses.

The camera focuses gratuitously on her derriere, almost like a challenge to the Queens of Phat Booty, Beyonce and J-Lo. White girls with small bottoms all across the land rejoice, and vow to continue with their borderline eating disorder diets to maintain the slightness of frame still so ridiculously desired by European women.

Madonna is filmed in the streets of London, confidently striding like a woman who is not received as a visitor, but as a resident. Whether in LA, New York or England, she fits in, in her uniform of black leather jacket, jeans, and boots. Whereas when the black dancers turn up from LA in their garishly coloured outfits, they look like brothers and sisters from another planet, aliens out of place in a new environment.

As much as I like listening to some of her tunes, I can't ever give Madonna the props she gets from the mainstream, because she's ridden the backs of many a trend that once she's rinsed, she remains the only one getting paid from it. She has a talent for spotting trends that the mainstream miss, mainly because for so long the mainstream weren't trying to see black or gay creativity that flew under the radar. But nowadays its different. Faster than you can say Grime, there's an article in a national newspaper. And why considering all the plaudits, awards, and platinum albums do you feel that you have to get your coochie out to make the front pages, at the ripe old age of 47. Toni Braxton this is relevant to you too. This is no longer innovation, what it is, is tired. So, the jig is up Missy Madonna, we sees you.