The Kid's Alright

Had an academic review at school for Clarke, which gave an indication of the effort she was putting into her studies. I was glad they were doing this just two months after she started school, because quite frankly I was getting worried after hearing too many times how much she 'loved' school. My mum's words ringing in my ears, "yuh nuh go ah school fe socialize, you go fe learn yuh school book".

As we turn into the school, we pass the bad-breed child that was starting beef with Clarke. She's with her screw-face mother. Our eyes lock, but I ain't opening my mouth, and neither does she. So she gets the insincere smile, meanwhile, her daughter walks with head looking down at her feet, she won't make eye contact. I'm guessing from the vex look on her mum's face, that her grades were nothing to talk about.

I collected the achievement grades just before I sat down with Mr. Turner, assistant head of year. Mainly As and Bs, a few Cs, and one D. She got the higher grades for effort in the subjects that really matter like English, Maths, History, French, Geography, and IT.

The D was for Spanish. I tried not to zero in on that poor result (as my mum would have done), and Mr Turner said that he would be speaking with the Spanish teacher to re-do the seating plan as there was a problem with students distracting each other in the class. So all in all, I was pleased with the results, its not even been a full-term yet, she's happy at the school, even wanting to go in despite being off sick all week, and she's keen to learn. I let her Dad know, and of course he was really pleased too.

I recently had a beef with a blogger who calls her blog "No Bastard Kidz". I had to take issue with that, even though I do agree with her personal choice of not having any kids before being married. However, women do fall pregnant and once you find yourself pregnant, what you gonna say, no wedding planner, no baby? Her neo-conservative stance blamed all the ills of the world on 'minority' women who have babies outside of marriage, and her whole attitude when I raised the issue with her was hostile and offensive. It's quite funny to read (email me and I'll give you the link).

She said I was lessening my daughter's chances in life, and exposing her to poverty, and the ills of the world, because I chose to have her while unmarried. What did she want me to do, push her back in when she'd enlightened me? I'm glad women have the choice of abortions, but I chose not to, and I don't regret it. My daughter is fantastic, and what me and her father can't do, our families will.

Everybody's proud of their children of course, but I am really proud of my daughter because of the way she's handled growing up and living with only one of her parents. She enjoys a very close positive relationship with her Dad. We split up when she was 2, but when they're together, it's like they've never been apart. Once she told me that she was going to go and live with him - is it really? "I carried you for nine months, and until you've finished studying for your degree your ass is mine!"

It's unfortunate, but a lot of families that have split don't maintain good enough relations, and yes the children do suffer because of it. All children need both their parents. And parents need to make more effort to keep the lines of communication open if they are not living together. But I know from some of my friends experiences, that some partners are ignorant, there is nothing they can do.

My daughter is not a bastard, a stereotype, and she is going to be nobody's statistic. As for the rest of the much pilloried unmarried parents accused of bringing down our race, if there's anything you can do to improve your relations with your babymama, babyfather, please do it. Do it for your kids. As Jill Scott sang, they need you.

As we left the school, we passed a girl who said: "Mum, that's the girl I was telling you about." Her mum explained that her daughter said she had met a nice girl on the bus. That would be Clarke. I guess that's another A, for social relations.