Yesterday, when I pointed out my daughter to a man at the christening (bear in mind this is someone I barely know) he looked shocked and said: "that's your daughter". Yes. "But how come she don't look like you?". Errr actually 99 per cent of people think she does. "Is her Dad dark? Like midnight dark?" "He's dark like you." I said to him: "What does it matter how dark or light she is?". In 2005 I am saying to black people. Can we please get over this shit already. It is tired and backward.
My daughter is dark-skinned, and I guess most black people would consider me 'light-skinned' or as Jamaicans would say 'browning'. It's not a term I would ever use to describe myself as, unless I was forced to give a detailed description and it couldn't be avoided. I don't accept 'browning' because it seeks to elevate lighter skinned women over their dark-skinned sisters. And ever since I developed an awareness of the politics of skin complexion, I would never describe myself as thus. I am black. That's it.
When I was in school, the black girl's used to love off the light-skin/mixed race brothers. I used to scorn them for being so narrowminded. Light skin boys were seen as more attractive, and let's face it 'less black looking', more European. African features were a long way off from being appreciated, so dark-skin brothers and sisters were routinely dissed. I just didn't understand that mentality.
Once, I was in a supermarket with a friends' light-skinned child and Clarke, and the woman on the till asked if she was my child. When I said no, and pointed to Clarke, she said no, that's not your child, and said the other child was mine. I wanted to knock her out. Yes, she could have been my child, but I had just told the dumb-ass bitch that she wasn't!
The sad thing is, children pick up on this form of discrimination from a very early age. As soon as Clarke was able to articulate how she was feeling, she asked why she didn't have the same colour as me? She'd noticed that black celebrities and pop stars didn't often share the same complexion as her. Kids at school teased her about her dark skin. When she spoke to me, upset by all this we talked about it. We sat down and went through magazines and made a collage of beautiful and smart dark-skinned celebrities. I pointed out the people she loved in her family that are dark-skinned, both my mother and her paternal grandmother. Her father, her cousin Jenine, and her godmother. Her godmother herself suffered abuse at school because she wasn't the revered lighter hue. She went through secondary school without a single boyfriend, while I was never short of a spotty teenage suitor ready to break my heart. Her goddie wrote her a beautiful letter, sharing her own experiences, and letting Clarke know that she is beautiful just as she is.
Although I don't recognised myself as being light-skinned, I have been judged because that's how other people see me. There's a stereotype that light-skin women think they're all that, so people expect you to be a bitch. And when you're actually friendly and pleasant (hey I can be on rare occasions) they seem almost shocked. Once a guy accused me of only dating light-skin men. The fact that he was dark, and I didn't like him brought him to the conclusion that I was not interested in all dark men. If only he knew.
When you look at the average black family, there are people of all shades within it. And even if there isn't, what's the big fucking deal? It's only motherfucking melanin! I love the fact that my daughter is not an exact replica of me. She has her own individual beauty. I know I may be sensitive to these comments, because they're referring to my child. But I don't want her hearing this shit from people. I don't want her developing a complex because of other people's archaic prejudices. Grown ass people should not still be comparing skintone. Don't we have more important things to worry about?
Posts
10 comments:
I really feel you on that, because light skinned people have this stereotype about being all “uppity” and all, but it’s not actually true. I always tell my friends who should I use the term envy my light complexion and ask me if I bleach and all that crap and want to have “light skin”, I tell them no and that they should love their complexions and that every summer I tan in the sun, to be a shade darker, there is nothing glamorous with being a lighter shade, that we are plagued with all sorts, every little scar, mark or whatever shows on our bodies, that being a darker shade means you can get away with a lot! Don’t bleach. It does not look right.
And please to that man who said to you about not liking dark-skinned men, you were not feeling him, so he should get over himself. Good on you for teaching your daughter the values of ‘skin colour’
I guess it's all about wanting what you can't have... as someone who discovered she was too pale-skinned for Clinique's lightest foundation (known in the trade as Really F****** White) last week, I can tell you I'd love to change my skin tone.
The woman at the counter, who was admittedly bright orange, looked at me in undisguised pity and suggested a sunbed. A sunbed! I fear the sun more than Michael Jackson.
I stalked off with all the hauteur I could manage.
The title reminds me of the 80's rap group, The Jungle Brothers. They had a song titled, Black is Black. I agree. We come in many hues. My family certainly consist of the entire spectrum of blackness down to hair texture and eye color. We are still all part of the Black Diaspora. Yes, Black is Black.
By the way, I did an entire week on Stephen Biko last week. He is one of the reasons that I love my first name so much. Take care.
Anyone with an enth of African geneology can and are described as black.... ALL BLACK (anyone with an African gene pool) is BEAUTIFUL is a sentiment I prefer...it is just a shame that many of us fail to appreciate that or understand that 'we (ALL OF 'US')are the world'. Complexion should not be a deal maker or breaker but it is. I like my complexion and wish to be no lighter or darker - I do wish I had less spots!.....I am sure I will have dark skinned and far less mixed looking children and will take note form your excellent child rearing skills. I loved the collage!!!!!
It baffles my brain that it still exists. It's even worse in JA. I have an aunt who treats the darker hued like crap. She amde sure her kids married Chiney, Coolie, anything but black.
My twin brother is very dark like my mother. When we were younger, we were constantly told by class mates, even teachers that we're not twins. They told us so much that we believed it at one point....Sickening!
Like I-Wayne says: Dash a fire pon the Bleachers dem! :-)
Goodersgirl-
I just wanted to respond to what you wrote about complexion and identity. It reminds me of what Jean Toomer. Toomer considered himself a new type of man. He said he was mixed with "Scotch, Welsh, German, English, French, Dutch, Spanish and some dark blood." He said he was of the "human race". He embraced all of who he was. I think that is important. No one should dictate who you are. I just feel that there is a problem when people try to run away from or deny their African side.
Tired subject.
I think you already said it best in your title - Black is Black.
Now cablasian - that's another topic.
the term browning is divisive. harks back to the old wicked days. loving the flickr joint
Idenitity is tricky but you are judged on how you look - not just complexion or hair type but whether or not you are easy on the eye! It is too simplisitc to say Black is Black- as a blanket statement. However, in the context of Butterfly's post I agree. It is more important to say Love the Black in you. Now matter how little or much. It is really ignorant to presume that you can not have a child who has a different complexion to you.....anyway my family is a rainbow family too.... I think that Tiger had a point.I go with him 80%. I have written extensively about this on my blog.
I loved Butterfly's post because I am sure I will have these issue with my kids. I will need as many skills as I can to help my kids build solid self esteems and identities regardless of their complexions no matter what their other family members look like.
BRAVO!!!!! what a wonderful post! i really wish we'll get rid of this colourism in our community.
Post a Comment