She Nuh Have It

Now that I'm at an age where I can realistically indulge in casual sexual relationships without being branded a 'ho', why is it so difficult to meet a man I want to have sex with? Although I've been a lifelong serial monogamist, I'm open to having relations with a man that I neither want to marry nor bear children for. I don't mean one-night stand stuff, and if that's your flavour I ain't dissin' but I haven't met a man that can get me open in a week, let alone a night! No matter how drunk I get.

The last time I had a 'date' was back in August. I didn't sleep with him because quite frankly, he didn't get the juices flowing. Man was too short, too fast and had no class. Week after week, I go out, I'm working, I'm shopping, I'm at the cinema, meet friends, go running, and meet, no one. No one single. No one who makes me laugh, no one who wants to take me out for a drink. No one who makes me want to wear my favourite turquoise satin and black lace Love Kylie undewear in the hope it will be revealed later. No one who makes me want to look seductively at them and silently communicate across the dinner table, "Let's get out of here. Now." Damn bro's, ya slippin'. I mean, here I am, I'm ready for ya, but y'all can't see me though.

The night's are long, winter's coming, and the hormones are a jangling, making me feel all crackish and shit. But I'm just not meeting any fit, down for whatever, SINGLE men.
Brothers who already have women pop up on my radar now and then. And hey, I can't lie, I'll flirt with the motherfuckers for a minute, but then I'll tell 'em to move on and stop 'cockblocking'. I ain't your woman, so why you 'blockin' with me tryin' to look like my man? Keep it moving bruh. They can't help me, and I sure as hades can't help their ball and chain ass.

I've been single for two years. Two fucking, or should that be non-fucking, years. Y'all feeling sorry for me now? And quite frankly this shit is getting old. I'm attractive (damn I'm 36 and I'm owning that shit now), I'm confident, I'm intelligent, and I have a good sense of humour. All this has been independently verified, and ratified by friends, and associates. And I ain't looking for a man with a BMW (so unimaginative), or a fat paycheck to support my shoes jones. I work (when employed), and I look after me and mines. I mean, I can't believe I'm even complaining about this. I thought that's what men wanted, sex, and lots of it. But I can't even get a motherfucker to talk to me, let alone put me in some positions my rusty-ass may not be able to sustain for long without screaming 'when'. Anyone got any ideas about how I can change this situation? Cos I tell you, I'm clean out of ideas. And horny.