Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Restarted fitness regime in earnest. I've started bikini boot camp, trying to give myself a headstart for the girl's holiday next year. September. Look, I like to be prepared! I'm doing an indoor circuit, alternating skipping with strength exercises like lunges, squats, bicep curls, and weights. It's great because I don't have to go anywhere, which means no excuse, I can do it watching TV, and listening to my own tunes on the laptop. The music in the gym is always crap. I mean who listens to that euro-house shit anyway?

Have you tried skipping for three minutes? The amount of sweat that pours off you, would be too embarrassing in public. And if you've ever been to a boxing gym, you'll know the smell is pretty unpleasant too. I also turn the heating up to encourage the sweat loss - it's like my version on Bikram yoga. Except I'm not doing yoga. I think my skipping rope is too short, because it's forever getting caught under my feet, and my skipping is interspersed with 'fuck', 'shit' and 'bollocks' everytime it happens. But once you get a rhythm going, it's wicked. I start doing the boxers skip like Muhammad Ali, and try to keep going for the length of whatever record's playing. Then do twenty push-ups or dips. To think that when I started I struggled to reach five.

The other good thing about working out at home is that I can wear any old crap. Usually the lycra shorts I can't be seen dead wearing in public. Cycling shorts are the biggest waste of money ever, they always ride up, which quite frankly is embarrassing in public, and is why I won't wear them in the gym anymore, but it's okay at home. It's not like Clarke's going to be bothered seeing mummy's fat thighs trying to escape them.

Although my fitness regime is going better, the food ting is my weakness. One day good, another day bad. Poor planning, or rushing about means I'm grabbing food on the run, and healthy options are not always available. Also doesn't help that when I drink, I get weak for something greasy. I met my blogpal Obi the other day for the first time. He got talking about the whole fitness thing, and he said 'don't lose too much weight'. Ha! Roughly translated means, 'don't lose dat t'ickness'. Brothers. If a woman's got 'batty' and big thighs, you're in business. Although from the dearth of suitors beating a path to my door, I'd say that ain't really working for me at the moment. I hear you bro, but a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. I know I'll never have the body I had at 21 again (damn it was good and I never really appreciated it then), but with a little work, okay a lot of work, and some patience, I'm getting closer to the body that I'm happy with.

One of Suzie Wong's sisters said I should wear more figure hugging clothes after she saw me in a pencil skirt recently. I'd shied away from tight clothes for some time, except for jeans, because I didn't feel comfortable in them. Some of my dresses were just too tight, and I had to retire them, so they've been gathering dust at the back of the clothes rail. After Suzie's sister's comments, I dug in the rail to look for that figure hugging stuff that had been relegated for so long and pulled out a little 'stunna' I hadn't worn for some time. A calf-length damson coloured satin sheath with a slash front (very Alexander McQueen), high-necked, and cap-sleeved (from French Con). I hadn't worn it for about two years. It fit like a condom (too crass? I thought so). I'd made a conscious decision not to wear too-tight clothing for a while now, preferring clothes that skimmed and concealed, the big-ass booty. But wearing that dress was a milestone for me. I felt mad sexy in that dress. Sexier than I've felt for a long time. It was almost scary how powerful I felt. Like I could have had anyone, but wanted no one. I don't believe you need to wear tight clothes to look sexy, but as they say a change is as good as a rest.