Just To Get A Rep

It's been so disorientating working nights. In the morning I just want to sleep, so I barely do anything before I leave for work, and when I return at 12.30am it's too late to do anything, so I eat, watch something on E4 and then go to bed.

I can easily go a whole week and not see any of my people, although I speak to them on the phone. I got into bed, but I felt like I needed to talk to someone, it was 1.30am so I texted Suzy Wong "r u up?". She calls me back.

We chatted about the dance at Dillusions on the weekend, nice rave, ram, ram ram (Hypo you did reach?) We saw one of our friends Coolie Girl, and she was with 'Hedgehog' from the 'Eggatons' crew. We call them the eggatons because they like to latch on to people that they think can make them look good and they're blatantly on a beg friend tip.

Hedgehog got her name because she has a 'fauxhican' hairstyle (think Estelle). You know the hairstyle that looks like its been done by someone that's shares Stevie Wonder's challenges in life, but not his genius. There's a long bit here, and a short bit there. It's quite a popular style with girls on road, it's their way being a bit 'different', but in fact it just means that they end up getting called Hedgehog by rude gyal like us.

Anyway, Coolie Girl is a nice girl, but since we went Malaga, Hedgehog and her twin sister have been 'underneath' her. "I call dem gyal dere Mattress Gyal". What?!? You call her Mattress Gyal?!? Liiiie. Why???'. "Because man treat gyal like dat like a mattress fe dem to lie down pon"...HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! Cue the tears rolling down my face.

Now I know people are free to choose their friends, but I thought that Coolie moving with Hedgehog and Mattress was just a holiday flex. So I was asking Wong 'what's up with Coolie Gyal', how come she's rolling with the 'eggs' crew?'. "It's because Coolie knows all the top shottas on the circuit. So they're trying to get close to them through her." Deep.

The Eggatons tried to 'eggs' with us on the trip (if you ever see me make the egg shape with my thumb and forefinger - I am alerting you to the fact that someone is on an 'eggs flex'). They tried to talk to Wong. She said she just went 'uhh'.

And even worse, they tried to talk to Gina Ling. Silence is golden. I know it sounds dark, but them girls are on a beg friend tip, and we know, if we give them an inch, they will try take the whole of Brixton high road and Acre Lane combined. And then they will be like Klingons - blocking with us when we're at the dances to try and get some shine off of us. That's why blanking is the only way to treat them. You got to be cruel to be kind.

The word is now, them girl's is upset. Wong said they were complaining to Coolie Girl: "We have tried to talk to them, but why won't they talk to us, why are they like that, it's like no one can penetrate their crew". That's right. Why are they begging friend? Is their crew not enough for them? It's not a mean thing, as in, we giving them cut-eye or trying to start 'arms'(a row) with them in the dance, but we are not up for opening the lines of communication, because we know, once we say hello, they'll be trying to rush in like Russians.

Coolie Girl set them straight, 'That's just how they are, I only just got past hello with them myself'. I first met Coolie Girl about a year ago, and Malaga was the first time we said more than hello. She's a friend of a friend, so she got the basic level of respect. Hello and goodbye.

Women's friendships are too transient. One season Karen is the flavour, the next season it's Jade. I have fallen into that trap myself. My ex, God bless him, used to try and talk to me, but I wouldn't listen. I have many stories of female friends I've fallen out with.

It's only when I found myself walking down Dulwich Common Road at 3am on my own, after being left by the girls I was with to make my own way home despite two of them driving(the row with the ee-diot cab man who demanded I pay in advance didn't help) that I made the decision, I would not leave my house to rave with people that were not my 'bredrins'. Road code violation. You come together, you leave together.

So these girls are barking up the wrong tree, and they shouldn't take it personal. Suzy Wong's best friends are her sisters, and me, and Lou. We've known each other since we were teenagers, and have been friends since we were 23 years old. That's 14 years of friendship. That's it. That's how we roll. We ain't looking no friend, especially 'beg-a-friend' just trying to get to know the shottas on the 'circuit' through us.

I may not go to celebrity parties anymore, West End clubs, or to the most trendy London events. But whereever I go, as long as I'm with my people, I know I'm gonna have a good time, and more importantly I know that they ain't gonna leave me to make my own way home. Can you say that about your friends?