Went to see Mr Miyagi* (my Dad) in Little Jamaica, aka Harlesden. Not because it was Father's Day, but because a visit was long overdue. Clarke was happy to tag along as she was looking Grandad pocket money.
The first half an hour of any visit to see my Dad is usually spent being lectured to, and being asked the same three questions he asks me every time I see him:
1. How is Clarke getting on at school? "Make sure, she gets an education, and don't grow up to be no dunce."
2. Why haven't you got a job? - "You need to believe in yourself and don't give up."
3. How is your boyfriend? - I'm single, but he suspects me of seeing the Bobo Dread and hiding it.
Whenever I see my Dad, I'm conscious that our time together may not be long. Usually because he insists on telling me his funeral arrangements (cremation) and showing me where he keeps his papers. He's 70 next year, so I always try to probe him about his life and family, as regretfully I never met any of them. His mum was Chinese-Jamaican, as was his sister Pearl. His Dad was called Wilfred (he never met him until he was 18 and all he gave him was a 'fowl' - he tells me this EVERY time I see him, and every time I laugh), and he had a brother called Oswald. Oswald had two children, and his sister had one called Pamela. They should still be alive.
My Aunt's name was Pearl Lee Shiu, her mother (my grandmother) was half-Chinese, and her father was full Chinese. The Chinese accepted him because his sister was considered to be Chinese. They would invite him into their homes, but not his full black friends, and he had a job in a Chinese store, where he picked up the language. Dad says he could speak fluent Chinese when he was younger. Me and Clarke were creasing up when he said this.
My Dad never thought he was better than his friends though. And he never raised me to think I should be extra proud of being part Chinese. Everything I know about his family, I've had to prise out of him. He loved his sister Pearl because she gave him anything he wanted, and paid for him to go to school. I really wish I'd got the chance to meet them.
Although my Mum and Dad split up when I was young, I've always had a relationship with my Dad. I cannot imagine what life must be like, not to have that person to refer to. To always wonder what they're like, to wonder if you look alike and not to know where they are. It makes me angry that so many men find it so easy to walk away from their children's lives, or to be in their lives and still let them down by not giving them the right support instead of the newest trainers. Not forgetting the women that hurt their kids by spoiling them rotten and not letting them see their dads. On Father's Day, and every day, big up the Dad's that are doing the right thing, under whatever circumstances. It takes a real man, to be a Dad.
*I know he's Japanese. Japanese-American.
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3 comments:
nice dad post. I miss mine a lot even eight years after he died and he was a grumpy sod to boot.
Not sure I can make sense of this comment easily, I wish I had listened to him less and spent more time with him.
He used to tell me he was dying any minute too. I got so used to hearing it though I forgot that it wasn't just words and could actually happen.
was amazed when i discovered the chinese heritage some jamaicans have. and lebanese, indian. really diverse.
i feel guilty. didn't wish my dad a good one. share the same concerns as you only my old boy is working himself to an early grave. why don't these old men give up and sit in the sun?
Great post.
I've been quite lucky to have my father in my life, despite his hang-ups (severe alcoholic). It's definitely true that their presence is crucial. My mother turns 60 this year and has already begun "the talk". It's a horrible sting that reminds me I'm getting old, which makes me panic about things I want to provide for them (grandchild is #1) before they go. Good post.
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