Cry Me A River

My Aunt Sophie died on the weekend. She's my mum's youngest sister, and only five years older than me. It's the first funeral in my immediate family, and the most unexpected. We were closer when I was younger as we spent a lot of time at my gran's, but she was someone that was always around, until I grew up and started making my own life away from my mum, and then as happens, you see less of each other.

Sophie, as is my cousin Tyrone, was born with a genetic disorder Fragile X, "Fragile X syndrome is the most common inherited cause of mental impairment. It's second only to Down Syndrome as a cause of mental retardation." My mum isn't a carrier, and neither am I. But there but for the grace of God go I. As one in every 250 women is. She had learning difficulties, and always seemed younger than her years. We always knew she was different (but not sure why until much older) and even though she was older than us, we used to boss her around, tease her and bully her. Basically we treated her like one of us. There were no kid gloves in our house.

So my mum's gone into Big Sis preparation mode sorting out the funeral of her youngest sister, helped by one of her other sisters. Whenever we go to a funeral with my mum, she says, in a series of asides, which hymns she wants, and what songs we should sing by the graveside. She doesn't want the horse and carriage, but would like the American style casket. My Dad says don't bother with the casket just put him in a cardboard box and cremate him. That man never wants to spend any money on himself. Mum drags us to the funerals of her friends so we'll know 'how to do things properly'. It's like Funerals: The Cliff Notes Version.

The big news is, the Matriarch of La Famiglia, my Grandmother, Clarke's Great Grandmother is flying in from Florida for the funeral. I haven't seen her for 20 odd years, and she's not met Clarke. She is the most cantankerous Jamaican woman you could ever wish to meet, and I am quite afraid of her. I think my mum is too. Like my mother, you can never be sure what mood she's going to greet you with. Trust me it's a Butterfly Jones novel waiting to exhale.

It will be the long overdue family reunion we all hoped for, but under circumstances we didn't wish for. Hence I'm struggling with mixed emotions. Tears of sadness for Sophie, and tears of joy at seeing my Grandma again.