All That Shaking is Booty

So 'Big Lez' aka Queen Latifah got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Wow. Who would've guessed that the girl I located condoms for, so she could fuck this fine-ass boy from Ladbroke Grove would've made it in the movies. Rumours of lesbianism aside, I've got to give her props because she cracked that beautiful, tall, blue-eyed nigga from Grove I'd been trying to hit for at least a year. But then, we were all suckers for a US accent back in the 90s. Until it reached saturation point. Personally, I love a Jamaican accent (one I can understand and not too Ricky Trooperish) but please go easy on the bullshit.

I ain't hating on La-ti-fah, but she seems to have cornered the market in butch mammy coon type roles which don't enrich or entertain without embarrassment. I watched that film she did with Steve Martin with my mouth open most of the time. 'Oh no she didn't?' 'Oh no he didn't?' But as the first rapper to get a star, I guess that's something to applaud. What? Will Smith ain't get one? The man is box office gold. Ice Cube? Never. Not while he's still remembered for Fuck Da Police, nevermind the torrent of shit films he's made in an attempt to erase all memories that he was ever a part of NWA. Has anyone seen Are We There Yet? (Nia Long come home). That nigga hasn't made a good film since Higher Learning in 1995. Did 'Ho'yonce get one yet? They probably waiting on the stripper pole to erect beside it.

Has anyone seen her new vide-ho. I'm glad she's dropping the church girl pretensions. I love me some Be, but she is getting a bit skanky and overdoing it now. Are you in the music industry or the ho industry? Cos all that's missing from her new vid is some singles tucked into her waistband as she pops and shakes her jelly like a trick on crack. Jiggling her booty like she itching for some rock and shit.

I know it's just entertainment, but what about the kids man? The Kidssss! Why does the dancing have to be so sexual, and its the youngsters that watch it and go there and try to drop it like it hot. Enough of the hoochie mama ting Beyonce, try writing and singing a decent song. Me and Clarke watched the documentary Rize a film about the 'clowning' and krumping' style of dancing that originated in LA. A fantastic doc, which showed lots of talented dancers of all ages doing what they called 'the stripper dance'. I don't need to describe it really do I? Now, a six-year old may not understand why the dance is called that, but one would hope that their parent would. Then again, they parent probably is a stripper.

I guess this is where me and the youth of today part company. I don't think it's okay for my daughter to be doing a dance called The Stripper Dance. I don't care if it's what all the kids are doing these days or that it's keeping her off the streets, go read your schoolbook! At Clarke's primary school BBQs the kid's would be 'kinning out (whining) to the popular dancehall tune of the year, but one Mummy look from me let her know she shouldn't follow suit. There be other ways to dance. How she loves my old school dance moves.

It's alright for Ho'yonce, she rides in a limo, and private jets. But these over-sexualised looking teenagers and pre-teens are on road, in their over-tight clothing, shaking their jellies when they walk, attracting the attention of men old enough to be their fathers, or worse, paedophiles. I still can't actually believe that two children have been abducted from their homes in the last week and raped. One was taken while she was in the bath. Ok, I know it's not Be's fault the world is full of crazies, but it's the music industry, the film industry, and society are constantly pushing sex down everyone's throats (no pun intended), so people think they should be doing it, getting it, or taking it, all the time. Including the kids, and the crazies.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think kids should be kids for as long as possible. I look forward to seeing what bodypart Beyonce will be popping when she's a mother. Let's just hope it's the breast.