I really hate being told what to do. Especially by my family. Despite having a child, a home, and a fledgling career in journalism, none of this ever matters once you pass through the threshold of your childhood abode. As soon as you're there, in their eyes you are Don-dons, aged 10 or whatever juvenile age has stuck in their mind.
In two weeks time, I have a party on the same night as my mum's friend's 60th which she's asked me to come to. Even though I planned to go to my party weeks ago. She said: 'It will be nice if we go as a family." In otherwords, if you don't come I will hold it against you for all eternity and constantly refer to your selfishness when we argue. My sister has already started applying the emotional pressure "I'm sure we can make excuses for you if you don't come". The two of them usually join forces against me. But my sister has totted up enough 'no shows' (including Christmas Day 2003) for her loaded comments to carry no weight with me.
If my mum ever 'asks' me to attend anything, I always make the mistake of thinking I actually have a choice. If I say I'm not coming, she gets vex, cusses me out and attempts to makes me feel like the worst daughter in the world. I know I don't go out that often with my mum (mainly because she rarely goes out, and will rarely make the effort to organise anything. What are children for?) but I just hate being made to feel obliged to do it. If I already have plans, why should I change them? Why can't they just accept that I have plans without trying to make me feel guilty about it? Don't get me wrong, I like doing family stuff. I take my mum out on her birthday, organise theatre or cinema trips, or invite her to stay, when she feels able to make the journey from west to south. My mum is only in her fifties, looks younger, but acts like a septugenarian. I attend the funerals, and weddings of her friends, and church occasionally. But the one time you don't attend something is the one time they always want to bring up.
Also, there seems to be a double standard that operates in my family. If my sister says she's going to something and doesn't turn up, it passes with little comment. But if I say in advance that I'm not going to come, all hell breaks loose, and I'm accused of being selfish. Go figure. Obviously, I need to learn to tell a white lie. But I don't see why I should have to do this? I mean, I'm grown, I have my own committments in life, why won't she understand this? It makes me so fucking crazy sometimes. Like today. *Breathe*.
Posts
6 comments:
Don't you understand? It's not a celebration until you show up! I think I understand where their heads are. ;)
KZ
Hey!
I just came across your site when I was on the "DBM's" site. I wanted to tell you that I feel you on always being told what to do by family, especially my mother. Just last week when my sisters and I went to visit her for thanksgiving, we wanted to go to this club in what she thinks is a bad aread of town. Do you know she had the nerve to tell us we couldn't go! Does she not understand that we are GROWN!!!
Parents never let their children grow up it seems. I swear I will not be like that when I have children!
I feel your frustration. I'm a twin and my brother visits my parents when he needs money & food. Nothing more. I hang out with them quite often and see them every Sunday.
If they invite me to drive them around the place and I turn them down...By the end of the conversation, I'm asking them, "What time shall I come get you?" I think they do this because they just truly enjoy our company. My parents are in their fifties also and they act as if they have one foot in the grave. I just don't understand it.
Breathe honey, breathe.
Zed - You need to come and be my date for this shindig!
Ex - Had to laugh at that. She said NO?!? WTF? It seems parents truly don't understand. And no we're never grown in their eyes. But hey, I'm stubborn.
CC - "act like they have one foot in the grave" - this is the phrase that applies to my mum. Nail on the head.
Nkem - As a reformed smoker. It's all I can do.
Sis.........................!
Post a Comment