YOW!

Everybody's seen or heard about Janet Jackson's 'amazing' weightloss/plastic surgery/diet/existing on a lettuce leaf/body tune-up. But judging by the pictures I've seen, I'ma need that bitch to either stop wearing them goddamn ugly ass clothes she insists on wearing or just do me a favour and regain the weight. I really don't see the point in her being slim if she is going to insist on exposing her midriff like an eight year-old (cos you know my 12 year old is not exposing any midriff), and 'queezing her plastic puppies together in a too small bra. WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I can almost excuse Nicole Ritchie's emaciatedness, because she wears some fantastic clothes, and has great hair. The fact that she looks like she couldn't bench-press a Krispy Kreme doughnut is neither here nor there. But if I were a man, I wouldn't want to fuck her: *sings* 'Dem bones, dem bones, dem jutting out bones.' Hell to the no!

For a long time the quest for ultra-thinness has not really affected black slebs (ce-lebs) but it seems that now that is no longer the case. Where the once bootylicious Beyonce leads, you can be sure others will follow. I've seen pictures of singer Monica recently (www.ybf.blogspot.com) with legs like pipecleaners.


It upsets me when I see someone like Janet looking about as stylish as her man Jermaine Dupree, is handsome. This is the problem with women approaching 40 who are slim. Yes, I'm talking to you Toni 'Always selling haddock' Braxton. Just cos you slim it don't mean errrbody have to see what you got! Hire a frickin' stylist, do you have a REAL friend?

Take Vicky Beckham, she looks terrible at least 98 per cent of the time. The only time she looks good is when she wears something that covers those margaton legs like a full-length Cavalli evening gown. What is quite scary, is that she's quoted as saying: "My body is my career". She knows that being slim, wearing tiny shorts and overdone extensions keeps her in the public eye. It is her reason for existing. She made a career out of that shit. Who knew.

I could have saved myself five years of studying and gaining and losing thirty pounds. Instead I should have made attaining 15 per cent body fat and marrying a footballer my one goal in life. But then changing colour would have been a bit difficult (Ambi anyone) as finding a footballer in the premiership willing to marry a sista is probably about a million times more difficult than finding a regular brother to marry! Can I get a witness!