In The Closet

Boyyy. You think you got problems. And then you read the News of the World's exclusive story which details the alleged antics of two overpaid premiership footballers and their DJ mate. These thrill seeking men are said to have played games with each other which largely involved oral sex for five grand (said DJ on football player mate), and then there's the other hilarious game where one man would attempt to put his cock in another's mouth without touching it. My hair is definitely getting blonder, cos I had to really think about that one. Oh the games rich people play.

The thing is, the DJ alleged to be involved in the scandal is well-known to myself and my friends. The emails which show the full picture of him and his football buddy, which was blurred out in Sunday's NOTW, has been circulating like bird flu on the internet, the phone lines are on fire as people ring each other to 'labrish' the gossip. I have been one of them. The man's alleged business is out on road. The Bobo Dread said: "His business pop down."

The paper didn't name names, because it is 'hearsay'. They only had the one source and no actual evidence, so they cannot name names without being sued. The picture they used has been altered, because if it was easy to recognise the people from the picture, they could be sued for that too. On the internet, an ISP can be sued for defamation, if it can be proved that they have not taken the necessary steps to prevent defamatory comments once it has been brought to their attention. But the picture was 'on road' from Sunday night. Obviously no one has brought it to their attention.

Last night as I struggled to fall asleep (too much coffee), I was really thinking about it. The DJ's career rests on whether people believe it or not. It's one man's word against these people.

But what if it's not true?

I mean, this is the NOTW we're talking about. Remember the Posh Spice Kidnap Story? That was a complete set-up and fabrication. A piece of entrapment which they sold as a legitimate kidnap plot. They paid someone to encourage a random group of men to discuss a kidnapping, who were then arrested despite there being no real evidence apart from the braggadocious conversation captured on tape in the grotty cafes they met in.

Apparently the DJ is on 'leave' from work. But what if none of it is true, and it's just the vindictive rantings of a bad-mind 'friend'. Maybe the person has an axe to grind. Suppose he was the least bling out of all the man's dem. You're rolling with multi-million pound football players, they are 'flossing' big-time, and maybe they treat you like the 'prentice, or a cunt. Cussing you because of your 'garms', or your three-year old ride. Or maybe he was upset he didn't get to suck the mans tings for five grand in the hand?

But if it is true, the DJ can't show his face on road, in a club, or in (black people's) public. Basically London.
The men in question, said the source, are not on some 'Broke Battyman Mountain' shit, it's just something they do for a laugh. Well, I can honestly say, I have never been that starved for joke that I thought it was a laugh to nyam my friend's pum-pum after we'd been clubbing. Other things I have not done while drunk, and I have been very, very drunk many times. I have never snogged one of my friends. Now an ugly man might have got the nod for an inebriated drunken fumble, but not one of my girl's.

But I would snog a girl for five grand. I'm still paying off student loans, and there are worse things you could do. But not Suzie Wong, cos you done know she wouldn't let me. But if she would let me that would be cool cos she doesn't like to french kiss. You read me right. Don't like it. At all. She said: " I just tell them from the start, don't even bother with that tongue shit." Can I just add that mans worship Suzie Wong, and are always trying to lock it down (in a relationship). She treats da mans dem mean, and they are still keen.

I bet the DJ never ever thought that he would be all over the national newspaper's for something like this. I veer between feeling sorry for him, but then thinking, 'WHAT A EE-DIYAT'. For his sake, I hope it's not true, or that he just firms it and comes out of the closet.